We'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American way.

Listen, Toby Keith Facebook user…I get it. You’re patriotic. You love this great nation almost as much as you love George W. 24/7 9/11, “these colors don’t run” and all that…I get it.

Hey, no problem. I don’t agree but that’s the brilliance of the good ol’ USA right? It’s perfectly acceptable to have differing opinions and subsequently express said opinions. And why not proudly proclaim your political standpoint on Facebook? Especially around election time last year, things got a little crazy and I admit I got caught up in the Obama fever. I was one of the 4,384,093,937 people to dedicate my status to Obams. And maybe you dedicated yours to Senator McCain and the greatest-insult-ever-made-to-women-because-she-was-supposed-to-represent-us Sarah Palin. Why yes, it’s true, all women ARE shallow morons who can barely put together a coherent thought or sentence let alone keep an eye on our promiscuous sixteen year old daughters. And we cry “sexism” to anyone who will listen every time someone even hints at the fact that we are getting sympathy votes simply because of our gender. But I digress…

Go ahead; say things like “McCain was robbed! I hope Obama can live up to the expectations..sigh…” or “McCain had my vote but witnessing this historical day certainly was amazing” or “My president is black and so are the next four years”.

WAIT.

WHAT?!

Unfortunately, that last statement was an actual Facebook status someone I know chose to share with us on Inauguration Day. Now let me just say, being offensive can sometimes be funny. In fact, I have it listed on my profile as one of my interests so I can certainly take an off-color joke. I’d tell you a couple of my favorites but I’ll wait until we know each other a little better.

However, the person in question did not mean this ironically or in any sort of humorous way. I base that on the fact that previous stati of theirs have been staunchly conservative and/or not funny in the slightest. Yeah, maybe I’m being a little judgmental. GET OVER IT. This person literally chose to broadcast their racist, bigoted, ignorant statement to the masses. HOW VERY TOLERANT.

And listen, just because you’re conservative certainly doesn’t mean I think you are a money-grubbing, whiskey-swilling jackass who spends their weekends going to KKK rallies and burning books. But maybe you are and maybe you do…BITCH, I DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE. On the flip-side, I consider myself a liberal and even though my parents were long-haired hippies who spent their honeymoon driving across country in their VW mini-bus with their two dogs (all true), I prefer a hot shower, shaving my armpits and I hate the smell of patchouli.

I’m by no means saying you have to agree with Obama or even support him…but who could resist that smile and those abs?! OMG LOLZ ROFLMAO. But if you’re going to openly oppose him as our president why don’t you go ahead and come up with something intelligent to say? Or if that’s too difficult, here’s a novel idea – DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. And if in actual fact, it turns out you ARE an intolerant bigot (in which case, thanks for reminding me of why I left Ohio) save that shit for your weekly Racists Anonymous meeting. Or there’s about to be a reverse hate crime. Or is it still a hate crime even if the victim is a racist? Whatever.

The point is I HATE YOU FOR SAYING THAT. The fact that you smugly declare your ignorance all over a social networking site is a prime example of things that are wrong with this country and things that President Obams represents changing. What’s next? Are you going to tell me that we should reinstitute slavery? That Jews should be rounded up and put in camps?

Hey, Hitler called and he wants his Mein Kampf back.

Jesus Christ people, can’t we all just get along?


I just hate you and I hate your assface,
The Blonde

P.S. I unfriended you.