Lackluster Apps... Blockbuster Musings.
Greetings my Cherubs & Seraphs. Submitted for the approval of the Pangaea Society, I call this full-of-angst fable, Facebook Apps. References to redundant 90's SNICK sitcom "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?" aside... Icome to you today to discuss a matter that is much more relevant and pertinent (and many other synonyms like those) to our FB lives: Crappy Applications(Crapplications, as I have just decided to call them). Many of you don't know me very well (unless you're one of my FB stalkers... in which case you know me VERY well), but I don't approve Crapps. I just don't. In fact, I block every single one. Every. Single. One. It's not because I don't heart your face. Iheart most of your faces. I just really find it obscenely taxing to give a soaring-monkey's-butt "Which Saved By The Bell Character I'd be most likely to have gone to the Imaginary Bayside Sock Hop With" or "Which Character From Classic American Literature Would Be Most Likely To Be My BFFL" or "Which Member of The Breakfast Club Would Be Most Likely To Give Me Reach Around While Snorting Cocaine Off My Ass In The Dirty Bathroom Stall Of The 7-11 Right Off I-90 In Exchange For $20 And A 40 Of Colt45".
First of all... who cares? Second of all... who is writing these things?? Need I remind you people, there isn't a room full of Behavioral Psycho analysts dedicated to dissecting the human psyche and contemplating the perfect multiple choice questions to determine the various results. No. These are written by bored (and/or drunk people) who want their legacy to be written in Size 12 Times New Roman Font on the Book of Faces. How are these results determined?? I would LOVE to see the equation for determining the number of possible answers versus the possible outcomes. Tell you what Rain Man... maybe you should just quit it with the Crapps. You don't have A Beautiful Mind, Russell Crowe...you're just Schizo. Go down to the library, eat your damn tuna sandwich and wait for Jennifer Connelly to realize that you're talking to thin air! In the meantime, stop writing these Crapps. I know you won't... but I'll just keep blocking them so that they never darken my Profile again. Because let's face(book) it... it's a slippery slope we are on. Too much crap is what made the already-inferior MySpace sink even lower into the proverbial quagmire of redundant websites.
By the way... the answer to the latter question I put up there is Andrew Clark. That’s right, Emilio Estevez’s character. After High School, he and Ally Sheedy’s character split up just before he went off to college on a wrestling scholarship. Being newly single and kind of a hothead, he got WAY into steroids and lost his scholarship. His father couldn’t accept that from his son and disowned him. From there… you can see how it escalated. By the way,I just made all that up… but I STILL didn’t make it into a Crapp. And the reason? Because I heart your faces.
Goodnight Moon. It’s been stellar.
~Blockbuster (Man-Whore of the Slut)
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