Gifts on facebook, absolutely not! Bitch I want a real gift. Get outta here with your thumbnail image of flowers I much prefer the real ones delivered to me while at work with a shiny new vase along with chocolates that last a whole week and oh yeah they’re tangible. I don’t know what’s worse receiving a gift on facebook or the fact that someone actually spent real money on buying a gift on facebook. Don’t think I won’t be cold enough to step right over your good deed and thoughtfulness and immediately publicly shame you for spending money on a damn half inch square jpeg. Oh did I say spend money cuz that’s not accurate, I mean to say “gift credits”...yeah, lets talk about that shall we? That just makes it even more gay (no offense to the gay or others by inappropriate usage of the derogatory term; I wasn’t referring to sexual orientation). Now that I’ve avoided the silliest possible lawsuit ever or the most redundant accusation of being taboo lets get back on track. Originally the majority of the gifts were free – which by the way is the only exception to giving a gift: when they’re free! Now: every holiday or made up holiday (::cough cough Valentine’s Day::), or just Tuesday they have a limited number of one or two ..okay three at most, but that’s it of the lamest, tackiest gift for you to give to another special friend in the world of cyber space. You know what I’m talking about the rainbow colored balloon with the shape of a butterfly centered on it, the backside of a troll (yeah a troll. Ps why were these funny odd looking figurines ever popular items in American culture?? That and beanie babies, boy am I glad we’re past that phase, whew!). My point is rarely are these gifts actually cute or funny and besides those few that cost you nothing but the sad, sad time you waste perusing and purchasing from the facebook gift shop (ha I just found out that’s the actual official name) the rest cost money. Old school they would just list $1, $2, $3; not anymore now it’s 100 or 300 gift credits. Just be upfront with me facebook – don’t play like its not real money. Then you have the options of sending it public, private or anonymous. Really anonymous – you’re gonna take that small (not forward) step into admitting your admiration for me by sending me a gift on facebook and not own up to who you are? Grow a pair and ask me out or start slow, say hello and if things work out, who knows maybe I’ll accept a real troll doll with multi colored hair (ERR wrong I’ll never accept that, who do you think you’re dealin’ with?)
Then there’s the Christmas tree - every year, never fails the Christmas tree application starts and then you can basically sign yourself up for the holiday hell of consistent and needless notifications and emails about notifications notifying you: so and so sent you a gift under your Christmas tree: unwrap now, save for later, send one back??? Or kill yourself for ever signing up for that POS app or better yet all the douche-mountains that sent you the damn Christmas gift. It’s no better when you don’t have the app either, then you just have to repeatedly see on the news feed or taking up ¾ of a friend’s profile “Billie jean has 7 unwrapped gifts under his Christmas tree”. We here at Pangea put our own Christmas tree up around Christmas, a real one and I’ll go one more- we give each other real gifts too (they go under the tree, the real tree). Facebook is fun and it gives ya some laughs and you can stay in touch with people but it’s not a substitute for living. I don’t need it to take over my holiday traditions, I have a real life for that and I only hope all of you do too.
I’ve received eight gifts and sent two in my history as a facebook user and I don’t begrudge any of them – they were all free and sensible as well I would accept more if done in the same fashion. But I had to write this blog to, well publicly shame any of you that constantly buy gifts on facebook – don’t do it. It’s not _______ (fill in the blank) CUTE, it’s not cute. This is also partially a comment to facebook: don’t put that on facebook, facebook.
Peace out home skillet
~ The Slut
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