Don't cry, don't raise your eye, it's only teenage wasteland

Was I this annoying when I was 13?

Facebook, nay, technology in the recent years has given the world a venue to display a never ending list of opinions and interests. I definitely have my favorites (robot a day, garfield minus garfield, cake wrecks are among them. Check 'em out, support our fellow bloggers) and then..... the internet unfortunately represents another part of the world using this open community to spread hate/stupidity/ignorance/ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

I've been avoiding this particular conflict for a while because it sends fits of rage through me ala Bjork (because Bjork is ridiculous and borderline retarded... does everyone from Iceland act like that? Stop your whining and take off that silly ass hat) but why oh why can't we express our opinions in a more open minded fashion? My life encompasses a lot of different people with a lot of different views and rarely do I get upset with people for having opposing ones of mine.. because we're all entitled to our own opinion, yes? and because I am SUCH a good friend.

But if you are going to use facebook of all things (a networking site used to find friends and have casual communication... not communication regarding anything professional, don't talk to the blonde about that or she'll shank you) to parade your narrow-minded, hateful views, at least make sure they are well informed. Oh, and that you're old enough to slightly experience the world. Never have I witnessed such an outpour of crazy small minded views from a group of people who've never learned to drive, vote in an election, and have barely gone through puberty.

Don't you realize that what you put on the internet about basically disliking anything of a liberal mind set is being seen by a lot of liberal people out there watching? A lot of people who are personally effected by your narrow minded and hateful views? Don't parade yourself as a Christian, because I don't have God on speed dial, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate you comparing Barack Obama to an African village idiot (he's from Hawaii, dumbass. An American citizen, shocking) or comparing Planned Parenthood to Auschwitz. Turns out Planned Parenthood does a lot of good for providing prenatal care to uninsured mothers and educating poorer communities about safe sex and birth control, and in turn saving lives of unborn children and existing human lives. But why would you ever pay attention to the positives of any dirty liberal organization? Oh yes, because you're a child.

And lastly kids, let's not forget that these hilarious/earth shattering points that you're making on facebook will always be there. The internet is forever, and in 5 years I bet you'll have a whole arsenal of offensive points of view, so in another 12 years, don't try to run for office. Well, maybe you could in Ohio, it is a swing state.

Liberally yours,

The Jew

walking on, walking on broken glaaaaas

I've just hit a new low. Wait. We ALL have just hit a new low. By we, I mean the entire Facebook community.

I was just asked out on a date...

on facebook...

by a stranger.

Lets just breakdown how wrong every part of this is:

1. You asked me out on FACEBOOK.
2. We've never formally met
3. YOU ASKED ME OUT ON FACEBOOK!
4. WE'VE NEVER MET! I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Now he isn't a complete stranger, he saw me in a show. I've never met him, but we did have those two precious hours where I sang my face off completely unaware of his presence and he watched, but this in no way condones his behavior.

It all began innocently enough, I guess. I started my morning the way I always do, a yawn, a stretch, and straight to my iPhizzle to check out the last facebook status updates (some people do coffee and the news to find out about whats going on in the World, but I prefer beginning the day finding about how every gay LOVES the new Lady Gaga song or what drunk mess friend of mine threw up on themselves in the subway the night before, but I digress) I got a nice message from a young man congratulating me on my work in the show the previous night, and although I thought this was a bit sketchy (he did look in his program, find my name, and then search through all the people with my name on Facebook, which is no easy task) I gave him the benefit of the doubt and sent him a nice little message back. As a matter of fact lets just post the entire conversation here for all to read and dissect. I'll be "All knowing gay, who is brilliant in the show", and we will call our gentleman caller "creeper".

Creeper: Hey I saw your show last night, and all I can is WOW!!! You are really great. I was really impressed and enjoyed it alot.

(let me just say, I'm no good at the grammar or the spelling, but if you are going to message a complete stranger spell/grammar check wouldn't hurt....just saying)

All knowing gay who is brilliant in the show: Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!

Creeper: Your welcome, so how long are you here for?

AKGWIBITS: Just till the show closes.

Creeper: Thats cool, maybe we can hangout go have a drink, dinner, something, if you want?

AKGWIBITS: I'm super busy with the show, but thanks.

Creeper: ok sounds good man, by the way you are very attractive

As I typed the conversation just now I realized I may have some blame in the situation. I mean, for one I could NOT be incredibly talented and good looking, but that's pretty much impossible. But I could have prevented this by not responding after the first message and more importantly, using this little thing we call privacy settings. Its unfortunate its come to this, but I'm learning discretion is the key.

I hate privacy settings. Its the reason why I can't stalk ex boyfriends new boyfriends and why I have to be facebook friends with people I don't even really like, but after today's little snafu I'm a firm believer in them. Its been said here before, but I'll say it again, cause it needs to be said, there are just certain things you don't want your Mama, your Aunt Suzie from Poughkeepsie, Creepers worldwide, and the baby Jesus to see, and that's OK.

And let me say before I publish this mess of random thoughts I've compiled and will call a blog entry, I don't want to seem like an ungrateful, stuck up asshole. I truly am flattered by the compliments and the date request, but this was just all wrong. " Creeper" obviously needs a DPTonF lesson.

word to you mother.

The Gay

We will cure this dirty old disease…the remedy is the experience

The fans of DPTOF have spoken (by the way, if you’re not already, become fans on Facebook!), suggest some topics, invite fans, post anecdotes.

The topic of ‘Reply All’ has been brought up. This is something I felt worthy of addressing. Is it necessary for all 50 people invited to Joe Schmoe’s housewarming party that Janie ‘has no real friends’ is
really gonna try and make it, is pumped for the party but has to work that day so she may catch ya another time ;)
…NO NOT NECESSARY! Message separately dumbass or I’ll run you over with a semi; that’s right I have readily available access to semi’s 24/7 – I’m a truck driver; can you not tell by the way I talk?! It’s not enough that one idiot does this, but then 6-10 other insignificant fools follow suit and reply all themselves with some lame ass comment. You people that wrongfully use the reply all function are a bad example for the others. You’re just like the li’l anorexic girls in the village setting bad hipster trends like denim tights and belly shirts with zippers down the front & gladiator shoes – get outta here, straighten out your life and maybe eat a sandwich! And the host of the event, you can put a stop to this mess. You take the initiative that your fool friend didn’t take and send a private message to the one person to encourage them to only send a response to you.

Instances when reply all may be necessary or not in danger of a semi mutilating death:
1. When there are 4 or less people involved in the message thread
2. When you have something of relevance or significance to share (that applies to all included within the thread.)
*NEVER should it be a simple 2 syllable agreeable term, such as ‘ok’ – don’t waste my time; give me more if you’re sending me a message.

In all other instances, Reply all one more time & watch what happens, I fuckin’ dare ya.

Reply all: you suck
But not you guys that don’t do retarded DPTOF bullshit, you rock – keep reading
The Slut