Don't cry, don't raise your eye, it's only teenage wasteland

Was I this annoying when I was 13?

Facebook, nay, technology in the recent years has given the world a venue to display a never ending list of opinions and interests. I definitely have my favorites (robot a day, garfield minus garfield, cake wrecks are among them. Check 'em out, support our fellow bloggers) and then..... the internet unfortunately represents another part of the world using this open community to spread hate/stupidity/ignorance/ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

I've been avoiding this particular conflict for a while because it sends fits of rage through me ala Bjork (because Bjork is ridiculous and borderline retarded... does everyone from Iceland act like that? Stop your whining and take off that silly ass hat) but why oh why can't we express our opinions in a more open minded fashion? My life encompasses a lot of different people with a lot of different views and rarely do I get upset with people for having opposing ones of mine.. because we're all entitled to our own opinion, yes? and because I am SUCH a good friend.

But if you are going to use facebook of all things (a networking site used to find friends and have casual communication... not communication regarding anything professional, don't talk to the blonde about that or she'll shank you) to parade your narrow-minded, hateful views, at least make sure they are well informed. Oh, and that you're old enough to slightly experience the world. Never have I witnessed such an outpour of crazy small minded views from a group of people who've never learned to drive, vote in an election, and have barely gone through puberty.

Don't you realize that what you put on the internet about basically disliking anything of a liberal mind set is being seen by a lot of liberal people out there watching? A lot of people who are personally effected by your narrow minded and hateful views? Don't parade yourself as a Christian, because I don't have God on speed dial, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate you comparing Barack Obama to an African village idiot (he's from Hawaii, dumbass. An American citizen, shocking) or comparing Planned Parenthood to Auschwitz. Turns out Planned Parenthood does a lot of good for providing prenatal care to uninsured mothers and educating poorer communities about safe sex and birth control, and in turn saving lives of unborn children and existing human lives. But why would you ever pay attention to the positives of any dirty liberal organization? Oh yes, because you're a child.

And lastly kids, let's not forget that these hilarious/earth shattering points that you're making on facebook will always be there. The internet is forever, and in 5 years I bet you'll have a whole arsenal of offensive points of view, so in another 12 years, don't try to run for office. Well, maybe you could in Ohio, it is a swing state.

Liberally yours,

The Jew

walking on, walking on broken glaaaaas

I've just hit a new low. Wait. We ALL have just hit a new low. By we, I mean the entire Facebook community.

I was just asked out on a date...

on facebook...

by a stranger.

Lets just breakdown how wrong every part of this is:

1. You asked me out on FACEBOOK.
2. We've never formally met
3. YOU ASKED ME OUT ON FACEBOOK!
4. WE'VE NEVER MET! I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Now he isn't a complete stranger, he saw me in a show. I've never met him, but we did have those two precious hours where I sang my face off completely unaware of his presence and he watched, but this in no way condones his behavior.

It all began innocently enough, I guess. I started my morning the way I always do, a yawn, a stretch, and straight to my iPhizzle to check out the last facebook status updates (some people do coffee and the news to find out about whats going on in the World, but I prefer beginning the day finding about how every gay LOVES the new Lady Gaga song or what drunk mess friend of mine threw up on themselves in the subway the night before, but I digress) I got a nice message from a young man congratulating me on my work in the show the previous night, and although I thought this was a bit sketchy (he did look in his program, find my name, and then search through all the people with my name on Facebook, which is no easy task) I gave him the benefit of the doubt and sent him a nice little message back. As a matter of fact lets just post the entire conversation here for all to read and dissect. I'll be "All knowing gay, who is brilliant in the show", and we will call our gentleman caller "creeper".

Creeper: Hey I saw your show last night, and all I can is WOW!!! You are really great. I was really impressed and enjoyed it alot.

(let me just say, I'm no good at the grammar or the spelling, but if you are going to message a complete stranger spell/grammar check wouldn't hurt....just saying)

All knowing gay who is brilliant in the show: Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!

Creeper: Your welcome, so how long are you here for?

AKGWIBITS: Just till the show closes.

Creeper: Thats cool, maybe we can hangout go have a drink, dinner, something, if you want?

AKGWIBITS: I'm super busy with the show, but thanks.

Creeper: ok sounds good man, by the way you are very attractive

As I typed the conversation just now I realized I may have some blame in the situation. I mean, for one I could NOT be incredibly talented and good looking, but that's pretty much impossible. But I could have prevented this by not responding after the first message and more importantly, using this little thing we call privacy settings. Its unfortunate its come to this, but I'm learning discretion is the key.

I hate privacy settings. Its the reason why I can't stalk ex boyfriends new boyfriends and why I have to be facebook friends with people I don't even really like, but after today's little snafu I'm a firm believer in them. Its been said here before, but I'll say it again, cause it needs to be said, there are just certain things you don't want your Mama, your Aunt Suzie from Poughkeepsie, Creepers worldwide, and the baby Jesus to see, and that's OK.

And let me say before I publish this mess of random thoughts I've compiled and will call a blog entry, I don't want to seem like an ungrateful, stuck up asshole. I truly am flattered by the compliments and the date request, but this was just all wrong. " Creeper" obviously needs a DPTonF lesson.

word to you mother.

The Gay

We will cure this dirty old disease…the remedy is the experience

The fans of DPTOF have spoken (by the way, if you’re not already, become fans on Facebook!), suggest some topics, invite fans, post anecdotes.

The topic of ‘Reply All’ has been brought up. This is something I felt worthy of addressing. Is it necessary for all 50 people invited to Joe Schmoe’s housewarming party that Janie ‘has no real friends’ is
really gonna try and make it, is pumped for the party but has to work that day so she may catch ya another time ;)
…NO NOT NECESSARY! Message separately dumbass or I’ll run you over with a semi; that’s right I have readily available access to semi’s 24/7 – I’m a truck driver; can you not tell by the way I talk?! It’s not enough that one idiot does this, but then 6-10 other insignificant fools follow suit and reply all themselves with some lame ass comment. You people that wrongfully use the reply all function are a bad example for the others. You’re just like the li’l anorexic girls in the village setting bad hipster trends like denim tights and belly shirts with zippers down the front & gladiator shoes – get outta here, straighten out your life and maybe eat a sandwich! And the host of the event, you can put a stop to this mess. You take the initiative that your fool friend didn’t take and send a private message to the one person to encourage them to only send a response to you.

Instances when reply all may be necessary or not in danger of a semi mutilating death:
1. When there are 4 or less people involved in the message thread
2. When you have something of relevance or significance to share (that applies to all included within the thread.)
*NEVER should it be a simple 2 syllable agreeable term, such as ‘ok’ – don’t waste my time; give me more if you’re sending me a message.

In all other instances, Reply all one more time & watch what happens, I fuckin’ dare ya.

Reply all: you suck
But not you guys that don’t do retarded DPTOF bullshit, you rock – keep reading
The Slut

A tramp stamp baby is a timeless trend.

It’s been a while, dear readers. I’ve been busy with my movie collection, and keeping the Slut happy. Need more clues as to who this is? If so… then you really just don’t know me at all. Sad face. It’s Blockbuster, yet again. I’m taking a break from my slasher-film marathon because I feel there’s something that needs to be said. It can’t wait.

Ok, bitches… I’m going to launch a preemptive strike here. That’s right… I’m going to Pearl Harbor you all right now (Too soon? I can never tell…). As we all know, there’s a certain event happening this Saturday night. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Halloween… All Hallows Eve… The Festival of Samhain… or as it’s become known in the last decade or two, The Night In Which Drunken Hookers Put On The Skankiest Thing They Can Find In A Halloween Store And Act Trashy And Blame It On The Costume. Don’t get me wrong… I have the utmost respect for Police Officers, Nurses, Flight Attendants, French Maids, and Pirates… but these “costumes” are really just a pathetic excuse to unleash your inner ho… am I correct?

Now… if you DO feel the need to buy yourself a “costume” where the biggest piece of material on it is the “Washing Instructions” tag… and pictures are taken… please, please, please… for the love of Ray J… Don’t Put That On Facebook! It’s really not cute. Guess what… If I want to see silly scantily-clad women acting whorish, I’ll just turn on Skin-omax after 12:15am to watch “The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String” or “Cleavagefield” or “The DaVinci Coed” (I am NOT making these titles up).

My point is, Skank-Hos… don’t try to distract me from the sole-reason I frequent the lovely Book of Faces with your “scandalous ‘OMG! I can’t believe how trashy I look! Look at how trashy I look!’” photos. I am here for the same reason 92.6% of us are here. To anonymously stalk people I haven’t seen or spoken to in 8 years. Your tramp-stamped ass-crack hanging precariously out of your candy striper “uniform” will not deter or distract me. It’ll just make me sad for you. It’ll also make your father cry tears of blood, because he’s your friend and he logs on to see how you’re doing and instead sees you dressed as a dominatrix with your teeth on some random guy’s nipple. It’s the costume’s fault… right?

Just don’t do it. You’re not cool… you’re just a hooker.

I’m out like a blind kid in Tee-Ball!
~Blockbuster

Don't be tardy for the party

Ok, we need to have a talk. Facebook events, you’re clingy. I know, I know I used the word “Clingy” but ya know what it’s necessary. Get off my back, I need some space. I can’t breathe. I’m getting claustrophobic with all these damn reminders and updates. Guess what you sent me an event invite and I either RSVP yeah or neigh. I didn’t sign up for an update on a 24 hour basis; this ain’t Hurricane Katrina, you’re not CNN or even NY1 for that matter. This has to stop. You’re a facebook event to some shit there’s a 90% chance I’m not half as interested in attending as you are in getting people to fill your seats or whatever the occasion. The theatre events are the worst. I don’t care you just added a matinee or this is your closing performance. You’re cluttering my inbox, I’m not interested anymore. I delete your messages before reading them. Yeah, that’s what it’s come to. Sad really. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve deleted so many messages that I don’t recall who or what your organization is & ya know what the only reason I care is so I can remember not to go to or sign up to go to any of your following events because I don’t want to repeat this kind of behavior. Bitch you’re suffocating me. As Mariah Carey sings in her new single, “Why you so obsessed with me?”. Yeah I’m a Mariah Carey girl, what of it?

Thought so. Now stop messaging me. It’s over, we’re through. And stop sending me flowers. Now get some Kleenex and wipe away your tears, you look a mess.

See ya never,
The Slut

It's been a week without me, and she feel weak without me

I know it’s been a long summer and you’ve all been jonesing for some blog brilliance, so never fear! The Blonde is back (although my roots beg to differ) to fully judge folks on FB and fill your sass quota for the week.

Without further ado, let’s jump right in, shall we?

Now, I have a real person job. That’s right, I work in an office with a phone, a computer, a fax machine and letterhead (and sometimes a toddler – listen, that’s beside the point)... I work regular hours and have health insurance. CRAZY RIGHT? I know. I work for an opera company so sometimes I am at the mercy of rather “artistic” personalities. BUT! The other thing that is TOTALLY NUTS is that I have a WORK EMAIL ADDRESS. FOR WORK RELATED THINGS.

So when you, Joe Opera Singer, send me a Facebook message asking about things pertaining to work…I IGNORE YOU. Now, maybe this comes off as cruel or unhelpful of me…but I did try ok? For a while I would respond to FB email as if it were actual email but I eventually discovered that people are a lot more shameless on FB than they would be otherwise. I just want to reiterate that being friends on Facebook is not an accurate indication of our actual level of friendship.

Basically, WE’RE NOT COOL LIKE THAT. I’m sorry you had to find out this way but I think you already knew. It’s not like we hang out or even talk on a regular basis. We are friends on FB because we probably worked together one summer, maybe even had a drink or six together…but that’s pretty much the extent of it. Aside from a status comment here or there or a generic “Happy Birthday!”, I just don’t see us working out. It’s not you…ok, actually, yes it is.

Facebook just isn’t the appropriate venue to ask if there are jobs available, or for my superior’s personal email or information. What did you do in the days before FB, huh? Did you go online and look up a phone number or email address for our office? Yeah, imagine that. Still possible. If you want to send me a message about us hanging out, cool. I might decline – but that is actually a very suitable way to use your FB account.

You’re basically assuming that I have nothing better to do when I’m Facebook than to answer your message about how to get an audition. Listen fool, I’m actually really busy online shopping and organizing my Netflix queue. I need you to step your game up and be a little pro-active ok? Either figure out a more professional, appropriate way of getting in touch with someone or ask a friend. A REAL FRIEND.

Stop crying, it's for your own good. I'm like Dr. Phil up in this bitch.

Let’s hug it out,

The Blonde

You look so dumb right now, standing outside my house

Welcome back Kotter

…err only our older readers know that reference. Right so we went all MIA this summer and not in the flying like paper getting high like planes kinda way. We all know what I did this summer, I breached nearly every photo guideline we’ve set here on the DPTOF. It was a good summer. What can I say girls just wanna have fun!

So I was rereading some old DPTOF posts aka brilliant documentation on facebook etiquette awaiting to be published and sold in the kitchy book section of Urban Outfitters along with the zombie guides and FML catalogues or we’d settle for it being the rumored bible for social sites that’s spoken about under the radar but subtly intervening with people’s lives on a daily basis. Get on it people, make it happen. Stop by, pass out our trendy business cards – ask us over for a dramatic reading for all your friends (we do them well).

Right so I was rereading for inspiration, I remind you to please send us thoughts/suggestions for the brilliant blog to pangeaNYC@gmail.com

We’ve already covered a lot of ground; but lets refer to our statistics

Facebook has more than 200 million active users

More than 100 million users log on to Facebook at least once each day

More than two-thirds of Facebook users are outside of college

The fastest growing demographic is those 35 years old and older

Which is an astonishing amount of people that post stupid shit fueling our need to correct or humorously criticize each of the said stupid things. I KNOW, it’s a lot of work, you’re welcome.

This also means we may, at times repeat the same theme of a post such as picture regulations but it will come in the form of site specific incidents to reiterate what the millions of users aren’t grasping. That is until you get our blog published ;)

For now let me just briefly touch on the things I’ve noticed while away:
(Forgive the length but I wasn’t posting for 3 months so I feel this is mild)

What the F*** is Farmville? Do you wanna be on facebook or play some agriculture version of Sims – get outta here with your Farmville picture posting Old McDonald, E-I-E-I-O!

Months back there was a trend of changing your middle name to “Equality” to show support of gay rights. I never touched this before maybe cuz it seemed taboo and I’d seem prejudice, maybe cuz I didn’t see a problem with it -thinking it was the least one could do to show some support. I’m throwing in the towel, the hourglass is up, time to change your name back activist. Who do you think you are Lincoln, MLK? Not gonna happen that way, move on. Try a different tactic, maybe one that makes a difference instead of making a non active stand on your computer. Last time I checked that’s not the way to change laws.

Along with Farmville, I’ve noticed a lot of Zodiac friends photos being posted. Anybody that knows the me behind my ironic alias knows I enjoy astrology as much as the next person, but I can’t get on board with this. What purpose does it serve? I know I’m a Gemini, my bf knows I’m a Gemini, my need for dramatic flare, stirring conflict, overanalyzation and fluttering personality are pretty big clues to the rest of the world I’m a gemini; I don’t need you to tag me in a picture for me to figure it out. And if I wanna know who else on my friend list is also a Gemini, I can look at their birthdate.

You guys hear about Patrick, RIP, or the VMA’s! No, you didn’t – huh, how’s that rock you live under?!? (This one's more of a positive note) I find it impressing how powerful our generation is. The popularity of facebook, which we make thrive, the many uses it demonstrates; it’s become comparable with CNN or any other news media. Facebook tells us what loved celebrity just died to the latest Kanye faux pas. Thanks for keeping us to date with current events facebook.

Stay tuned for an eventual posting on the the new feature to tag friends in a wall post. Jury’s still out on this one, I’ll let you know when the verdict is in. Till then explore, I dare ya.

Taking the bra off now, I’m in for the night ;)

Shout out: If you live in Hamilton Heights, get some pepper spray, a kubotan, lock up your fire escape and don’t get in an elevator with a creepy suspecting douche that doesn’t push a button – in short don’t get raped. Let’s catch this asshat!

Over and Out Goose,
The Slut!

Oh the bitch is back. Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.

I've officially been outed.

No, not in that way...that awkwardly happened my freshman year of college. I mean in a different way.

I've been outed as a facebook stalker...well sort of...

I was elated to see that I'd been tagged in some new pictures and to my horror was surprised to see that I'd been tagged in a "fan check" photo. If you aren't familiar yet, you'd best get ready, cause facebook stalking will now be forever changed. Fan checks, per the application website, is "The application that ranks your friends based on how often they interact with your Facebook wall. Interactions counted include wall posts, comments, likes, gifts and other public items posted to your wall. In accordance with the Facebook Privacy Policy, we do NOT count page views or private messages."

You don't YET, but you WILL Facebook, and then what options will I have to find out the latest gossip other than going to people and having face to face interaction? Call me a conspiracy theorist or whatever, but I feel like this is the beginning of the end.

I love the book of faces for many, many reason, but I value it for stalking most of all. I live for the "like" button and to comment on people's stati. But now I feel I must censor myself, for fear of being tagged in too many of those damn fan check photo's. I mean everyone can probably guess I spend waaaaay too much time on facebook, but until now there was no documented proof. I could delude myself into thinking I commented as much as everyone else, but now here it is staring me in the face. A reality I didn't want or need. I have to find a new hobby.

School's back in session bitches.

-Pangea's fallen member AKA THE GAY

P.S. How priceless was Taylor Swift's face when Kanye stole the mic last night?

P.P.S How much did you miss the blog?

“Kiss today goodbye. The sweetness and the sorrow…”

Shalom, y'all. That greeting is probably better coming from the mouth of The Jew, but it seems oddly fitting coming from me as well. That’s right, facehookers… it’s Blockbuster again.

As swimsuit season draws ever closer (despite the fact that this “summer” has been wetter than an insecure child’s bedsheets during a Freddy Kreuger dream), we must all partake in that age old tradition that lies in the back of your mind even as you visually ravage this entry. You know what I’m writing about. It’s been nagging on your mind since you read the term, “swimsuit season” about 9.2 seconds ago. I’m talking about Trimming the Fat. Hardening the Muffin Top. Firming your Buttocks. Hacking away at your FUPA like Jason Voorhees does to a snarky camp counselor. Nobody really likes to talk about it, but everyone does it. You step out of the shower, catch your reflection in the mirror, and your smile drops faster than W. Bush’s approval rating (Hah! Still funny!). You make some attempts. Go to the gym a few times, and pray for an 80’s style montage to kick-in to fast-forward your body toning. Sorry to disappoint you, Ralph Macchio… it won’t. It takes time. In the meantime, put down the Ranch Dip and maybe do some cardio. Just kidding, The Gay… even The Slut thinks you’re smoking hot!

So… you might be asking yourself, “Self? How is my dear Blockbuster going to turn this into a DPToFB blog? What does this have to do with my beloved book of faces? Is he saying my face is fat? Are my jowls becoming puffy? Should I do some chin-crunches? What ARE chin-crunches? Wait! Can I DO those? Seriously… if I get any more chins, I’m going to have to move into a crappy house and raise a troubled Johnny Depp and a retarded Leo DiCaprio! I want a knight in shimmering armor! What does that even mean??”

I’m going to let you wait for an answer. It won’t come. So I’ll press on. You DO have a fat face. It’s time to trim the fat from your face(book). It’s time to pull up a beanbag chair, sip a bottle of Hater-ade… and cut the fat from your friends list. Have you ever looked over your friends list and wondered WHY you’re friends with some of these people? I’m not speaking to the losers who add people they don’t even know… they have deeper issues that can only be solved through an intervention. I’m talking about people who friend someone simply because they have some obscure connection. It’s time to take a long, hard look over your friends list and ask yourself WHY you’re friends with some of these people. If you can’t give yourself a satisfactory answer… it might be time to move on. If you facebook-love someone… let them go. If they come back and try to re-friend you… they’re pathetic and you suddenly feel better about your life! See? Faster and better than anti-depressants!

Seriously. Do some Facebookardio…

Fatass.
~Blockbuster

Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen pour myself a cup of ambition.

Wait a second? Did I just read that correctly? No. It can't be.

Did you just invite me to become a fan...of YOU? Seriously? Seriously?!!!

This just happened to me not even five minutes ago. I haven't even had time to breathe. I need to dissect this in the form of a blog.

One, up until this point I wasn't even aware you could invite someone to be a fan of something. Two, do you really need a facebook page AND a fan page? Three, YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING IMPORTANT! You aren't an actor or singer....you don't make me laugh, you aren't famous or anything. Basically you are a normal human being and you want me to become a fan of your normalness. You have just become (and I'm sure I'll receive a lot of flack on this one) the Susan Boyle of my Facebook world (not that there's anything wrong with Susan Boyle its just that she is just mediocre at best and I don't get why everyone was all on her shit...glad to get that off my chest)

I think this is just another case of facebook gone too far. I was all about becoming fans of things and then (as the blonde discussed previously) it got out of hand, but THIS...this is just too much. I'm sure your mama thinks you are the best thing to happen since the Real Housewives of New York Reunion (seriously. How good was that shit?) but I'm not about it. Shit, I think there are some Real-life ACTUALLY talented ACTUALLY famous people that shouldn't have their own fan pages. So pretty much what I'm saying is this is NOT okay.

AND one more thing I DON'T want to follow you on Twitter.

The grass isn't always greener...even if you use fertilizer...

-The Gay

Bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks

O. M. G. you guys, I know I’ve been absent. I know you’ve missed me. But I know you’ll understand when I say I’ve been reallllly busy NOT freaking out about getting swine flu (IT’S JUST THE FLU, WHAT IS ALL THE HULABALOO ABOUT? AM I MISSING SOMETHING?), re-living my college glory days (which is in NO WAY pathetic, so shut your yap) and anxiously awaiting the debut of The Real Housewives of New Jersey – which is gonna be a shitshow…and we all know I love those.

Anyhooter, excuses aside…will someone please explain this “Become a Fan of (insert random arbitrary thing/person/activity here)”? I don’t get it. I really don’t. How is this any different from joining a group? And why do I care? And if you are really that big a fan of Ashton Kutcher – shouldn’t it be in your profile?

In this day and age I understand our incessant need to personalize everything to express our individuality…cell phone ringtones, ironic message tees, radio stations that only play the music you like, etc. etc. I am guilty of all of these things also…but at some point don’t you realize that EVERYONE ELSE just became a fan of “Not Being on Fire” too – so you’re really not that special? Sorry to burst your bubble Whiney Whitney, but if you’re trying to be unique…I think you missed the boat when you JOINED FACEBOOK. I’m not saying we can’t all like the same things; it’s called POPULAR culture for a reason. But please don’t fool yourself into thinking that your friends are gonna think you’re cute for becoming a fan of “The Weekend”.

Please stop stating the obvious with this bullshit – EVERYONE likes the weekend, not being on fire and sleeping…EVERYONE. But not EVERYONE feels the need to proclaim it to the Facebook community like “Napping” is the latest craze to hit junior high.

And really, when I see the random crap you choose to become a fan of – it makes me further question our probably already vague Facebook friendship… Like if you decide to become a fan of “XD” (as in the stupid emoticon smiley face with letters bullshit. And yes, that is a real fan page – I DO MY FACEBOOK RESEARCH, PEOPLE.) I might decide to become a fan of unfriend-ing you. SO DON’T PUSH ME.

Also, there are literally pages called “I <3 my Mom”. So, that would make you a fan of loving your mom? (Making “Your mom” jokes is obvious here, don’t even bother.) Now, I love my mama and all and I expect you do too…obviously…because you’re a fan of it. Isn’t that a little redundant? I mean, you already LOVE her…but now you’re a FAN of that love? Toot your own horn much, slick?

And lastly, and maybe most importantly is when people become fans of celebrities or actors AFTER they pass away. For instance, as we all know, Natasha Richardson and Bea Arthur recently passed away – and all sarcasm aside, it is very sad and they were very well-loved and respected ladies. But REALLY? After Bea died, every gay I know jumped on the rainbow bandwagon and became a fan of her. Girls, I don’t doubt you were a fan of Maude and Bea and her rendition of “Don’t Rain on My Parade”…but that was never really in question, was it? I find it a LITTLE suspicious when 50 of my friends become fans of someone who died last week. I feel pretty confident in saying that most of you probably haven’t thought twice about Natasha Richardson in the past year. But if you insist on proving your devotion why don’t you honor them the respectable way by watching a Golden Girls/Parent Trap marathon in your pajamas and eating your way through a couple pints of ice cream and a pizza? All I can say is, BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

I know my DPTonF counterparts may disagree with me on this one a bit. And for the record, I DO NOT CONDONE THEIR BEHAVIOR. Really, Gay? You became a fan of “Aretha Franklin’s Inauguration Hat”? REALLY?

If I become a fan of every random blip on the pop culture horizon that I thought was funny or even slightly amusing or every band that I’ve ever liked or every restaurant I’ve eaten at, my fan page section would go on for years. So, I’m just gonna skip it and let you know that if a majority of the Facebook populations is a fan of Gummy Bears or Dave Matthews Band – you can safely assume that I have probably enjoyed them from time to time as well.

And if you really feel that strongly about “Evanescence” or “Piercings” or “Ice Cream” and you just need to let the world know, list it as an interest or activity and CALL IT A DAY.

AND don’t invite me to become a fan of your band or your Christian service organization because I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED. I’m a fan of ONE thing and it’s my BF’s music group…so, I basically got roped into that one…

How about this – I am a fan of NOT BEING A FAN OF STUFF.

SUCK IT.

Winky smiley face,

The Blonde

Eh, Eh, Nothing Else I Can Say

Poking.

Don’t poke me. Say hi, tell me what you’re up to. What recent one night stand gone awry did you recently struggle to bounce back from? Who did you hear just came out, came available or drove their car into the wall of a dormitory building while intoxicated, who just fell down the escalator of the Times Square Toys R Us, what rowdiness went down at the Wright State Maydays, who watched Chihuahua and enjoyed it (no names), what roommate of yours is dating a Mr Softee driver to get free ice cream? Gimme the goods. What juicy gossip can I get out of a poke? Unless we’re talking about the other kind of poke, tee hee! Too far, well that’s me – always takin’ it over the line.

Where is the poke button anymore anyway? And superpoke, really? Did that function on FB need advancement?? Newsflash: if I didn’t want you to poke me, I also don’t want you to: throw a sheep at me, chest bump, hug, adopt a pet with, blow a kiss at me, high five, knit a scarf for, blow bubbles with, (you get the point). What’s with the negative ones?? I definitely don’t want you to do any of these to me: dropkick, b!*$% slap, roundhouse kick, breathe fire on, etc. Some of them are just gross and wierd: Rock the grannie pantie or fling a thong at. Maybe it means I’m going to hell but coming across the one “build a child’s future with” just made me laugh. These little actions you’re choosing to do in cyber space is not cute, not real, not funny, dumb and makes you look sorta pathetic – get some friends or frenemies off the facebook and do those things to them in the real world and perhaps then you’ll get a response; until then most of us will just ignore your superpoke. I say we’ll ignore your superpoke, because I’ll usually give a customary courtesy generic poke back. I will not however begin or participate in a poke war with you, so don’t do it.

Also, you don’t need to tell someone you’ve poked them; that’s the thing, you poked them – they’ll get a notification.

Ps nobody pokes anymore, that’s so 2004*!

*Year facebook was created

the all hating PEPSI, slut

Boom Boom Pow

Righty o then, I think we’re in need of timely update. Please take your seat, and mind the tea – it’s still a bit hot.

There’s words to be had regarding the status on facebook, amongst a few other things I may delve into while I’ve got your attention. How’s the tea? I need more sugar, but then you could’ve guessed that.

The status function: in a previous dptonf blog we’ve gone over what is appropriate for a status update and likewise the not so good ones, such as “so and so is eating an apple”. Perhaps we should remind you that this is a short tid bit; put your novel away Tolstoy.

It’s no secret that we here in Pangea are friends with Tim Gunn, and as he would say “People, you need to use an editing eye,carry on". A wall post should not take up the size of my iPhone screen. I know what you’re thinking, ‘But what if I don’t have an iPhone? How will I gauge the appropriate length of my wall post?” to that I say: “no iPhone, INFERIOR!” snide remarks aside, if it’s over a few lines, that shit belongs in an email or send that person a message if you still insist on using facebook as your outlet. C’mon I could read War & Peace faster than some of the epic wall posts I’ve seen lately..yeah I’m a fast reader – get off me. If you’re having trouble trimming your wall posts down to the dptonf approval standards, double check your subject issue. Anything outside witty repartee*, inside jokes, well wishes, or other relatively short messages is probably too much personal info that can’t usually be contained in truncated form. And I expect that you all know by now our response when posting too much personal info; I’ll give you a hint (the name of our blog)!

*rep•ar•tee
Pronunciation: \ˌre-pər-ˈtē, -ˌpär-, -ˈtā\
Function: noun
Etymology: French repartie, from repartir to retort, from Middle French, from re- + partir to divide — more at part
Date: circa 1645
1 a: a quick and witty reply b: a succession or interchange of clever retorts : amusing and usually light sparring with words

Also commenting on peoples’ stati; that’s just it, leave a comment. What’s with this “likes this” BS. Elaborate;what do you like about it? We all know I’ve never been short for words; I expect to hear my friends thoughts not see an electronic thumbs up and know you like it. “like it” is a response you give your grams when she gives you that special calico print sweater for your 16th birthday; keep it real. Tell me how it is and chunk the thumbs up.

I’ve seen on occasion this battle betwixt comments on stati -why can’t we all just get a long? It’s FACEBOOK, don’t get all up in arms. It’s hard to read tone electronically anyhow, perhaps you have misread someone, cool your jets before you post that heated response. And don’t be so passive aggressive. Be the better man and just don’t respond to that moron that’s chosen to get rowdy on the insignificant wall post – again this isn’t an argument about me sleeping with your baby mamma. It’s not a deep rooted drama, drink your juice Shelby.

well the chamomile must be kicking in
cheerio chap,
the slut

Truly Madly Deeply Do

It is a dreary Thursday evening. The Slut, The Blonde and The Gay have assumed their usual positions on Pangea’s Golden Girls-esque La-Z-Boy furniture. They are armed with the TV on, laptops on laps and iDevices in hand. They are trolling Facebook looking for something shocking/funny/disgusting/distressing to discuss and publicly ridicule. It isn’t long until The Gay comes across two videos posted on two separate friends’ walls.

One is a young woman’s parents video-messaging their beloved daughter who is away. They candidly talk about their weekend and their love of musical theater and make kissy faces on this poor, unsuspecting young woman’s wall. They are so embarrassingly corny and sweet and earnest that it could pass for a SNL sketch.

The other video that is stumbled upon is of a far darker, upsetting nature. It is of a young man who out of love for his lover decides to video himself poorly lip-syncing to a very popular 90s tune known as “Truly Madly Deeply” by Savage Garden. And then it was proudly posted on lover’s wall for all his friends and stalkers to see.

The three friends, armed with their trusty computers decided to address this issue as a group so as to make sure they were heard loud and clear.


The Blonde: Ok let's do this shit. Valued readers, honored friends – welcome to the first-ever multi-blog.
The Slut: So tonight is a day that will live in infamy. Ooh sorry not a presidential speech. But still, good moment - we came across some good shit tonight folks.
The Blonde: We need to talk about a subject so serious, so...heart-breakingly embarrassing…
The Slut: Only your mom could console you. And maybe she'll do so by posting a web cam clip on your wall...oh wait…she did!
The Blonde: Um...The Gay - think you could get off Facebook for like 5 goddamnn minutes to join us? I CAN SEE YOU.
The Gay: Oh. Sorry. I'm busy looking for inspiration/vommiting in my mouth
The Blonde: I think you spelled vomiting wrong. ANYWAY
The Gay: But anyway. Moving on.
The Blonde: Oh listen, we should mention that The Jew can't be with us tonight. HIT ZE SHOWAZ. Too soon?
The Slut: Never.
The Gay: ...awkward silence…
The Slut: Is what happens when everyone sees that video you posted to your lover on Facebook.
The Blonde: And you're badly lip syncing to a 90s pop song. And you didn't even take the time to look up the right lyrics.
The Gay: Seriously?!?
The Slut: Trust me I know; when I was in 5th grade, I loved that song!
The Blonde: Bitch you don't love your BF that much if you can't even be bothered to look up the lyrics.
The Gay: Like I've said before.
The Slut: Shit son!
The Gay: Love is a lie. At least make me think you put some effort into the video.
The Blonde: Let me just put this out there as a DPTonF PSA (so many acronyms)
DON'T POST VIDEO MESSAGES OF A PERSONAL NATURE ON SOMEONE'S PUBLIC FACEBOOK WALL
The Slut: It's too much. TMI.
The Blonde: RIGHT?
The Gay: Cause I will find them. Laugh at them. And show my friends.
The Slut: I'm pretty sure he (the unfortunate targeted audience of your video) may not even want to see that.
I won’t be your dream and it's my fantasy to never have someone send me shit like that.
I won’t be faithful.
Not to your pathetic ass.
The Blonde: I mean, ok...so your Mom can't really use Facebook and that's sort of endearing
The Slut: Or a web cam.
The Blonde: But you should not allow your parents' technological illiteracy to be the butt of someone else's ridicule.
Hahaha BUTT
The Gay: I mean, this is all part of bigger more serious entry we will get into later
The Blonde: We will?
The Gay: All I have to say is this. The day my Mom gets on Facebook is the day my life ends. Cause its the day I delete my account.
The Slut: Ooh,the lyrics of this song are even too much.
The Blonde: I actually don't want the sky to fall down on me. That sounds painful.
The Gay: And really…(going back to the lyrics of this song). Don't you have some newer bad top 40 to make your song?
The Slut: Did this even make the cut on MTV's ridiculous 90's crap video recap. Or whatever those are called?
The Gay: No, it didn't.
The Blonde: Right? Savage Garden was so 8th grade dance. LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS
The Gay: Don't ask me how I know that.
Guys, I think I want our song to be All My Life by K-Ci and Jo Jo.
The Blonde: Isn't one of them a crack head?
The Gay: Expect videos on all your walls with me singing it.
The Blonde: And also, K-Ci and Jo Jo. I don't want to be close to you like your brother, mother, sister, cousin. That's call incest.
The Gay: Did anyone see that video of one of them passing out on stage?
The Blonde: And it is ILLEGAL. Not to mention EW
The Slut: But we digress…
The Blonde: I'm all about digression.
The Gay: I guess what we here at Pangea are trying to say is this: We are REALLY glad you are in a great relationship. And that your parents miss you.
The Slut: (We have sweet shirts that say PANGEA) Are you jeal?
The Gay: But seriously people
The Slut: And how can you not comment on a video like that?? But the comments were blatantly obligatory and distracted from truth and were all "your parents are so cute”
The Blonde: And we're really glad you're in love (but not really, because we're not very sentimental and we're pretty cynical so all that lovey-dovey pooky bullshit just makes us want to vomit all over our keyboards) but that's what email is for...private stuff you don't intend to share with the masses.
And if your Midwestern parents don't know how to properly use Facebook (god knows mine don't (thank baby Jesus))...don't allow them to be there...get Skype bitch
The Slut: AMEN
The Blonde: GAYMEN
The Slut: It's free, private, easy to use - like a phone...there's another idea: pick up a phone and call your damn parents from time to time to prevent them leaving a video on your wall about their nice little Saturday
The Slut: Oh and did they have time to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond?
The Gay: I mean, we love YouTube sensations, but do you really want to be the next "David After Dentist" or "Leave Britney Alone"? Cause that’s where you are heading
The Blonde: I mean, you'll probably get to be on some talk shows and might even get a reality TV deal out of it...but that's no way to live. Don't you want our RESPECT people?
The Slut: On second thought to play devil's advocate, I have to say I have some appreciation for the clip. It gave us jovial laughter and following that inspiration for this very blog.
The Blonde: Good point and after all...if no one did anything ridiculous on Facebook, you wouldn't be sitting here giggling at our wit and sparkling personalities that just jump out of the screen and make you think we would be friends.
The Slut: The Gay is frozen right now
The Blonde: Houston, we have a problem...we have lost contact with The Gay.
Oh p.s. we probably wouldn't be friends...but it's cool if you want to think that.
The Slut: We do like to be admired
The Blonde: PRAISE US
The Slut: Hey you can be a follower on the blog - it gives you a picture and everything.
The Gay: Shit. I'm back. Too much porn on my computer. Kidding.
The Blonde: No you're not.
The Gay: Sort of...
The Blonde: Spending too much time on manhunt.com. What? I don't know what that is? Who said...what?
The Gay: Uhhh and continuing on. I just have to say. Thanks for your videos. They will make me laugh for weeks to come.
The Slut: P.S. I love that your parents refer to themselves as Mommy & Daddy. Oh and did they out that you still love RENT?
The Blonde: See? We shouldn't know that much about your parents. Or you.
The Gay: God knows I truly needed something to stop my addiction to “Kittens inspired by Kittens”
The Blonde: And yes, please, someone, anyone send The Gay a new YouTube sensation.
The Slut: Kittens! It’s time. Put it to bed.
The Blonde: If I hear "We are wine bottles!" one more time I'm gonna slit his gay little throat.
The Gay: I don't care what anyone says. “Kittens inspired by Kittens” is brilliant. Get that girl a TV show.
The Blonde: It's not a hate crime if it's justified.
The Gay: It’s fine Blonde. The Jew is gonna cut you open anyway. I heard her whole plan.
The Blonde: Right? Seriously you guys, she's been threatening my life. I think we have a potential single-white-femaling on our hands.
The Gay: It doesn't sound funny, but its HILARIOUS
The Blonde: ...call the police...


It's past our bedtime.
We're out like a fat kid in dodgeball,

The Gay, The Slut & The Blonde

This bomb's made for lovin' and you can shoot it far.

I have a secret to confess. It's not going to be pretty. You'll probably hate me, and thats ok. Just think about it like this. You're Britney Spears post shaved head, emotional breakdown, and without kids. And I'm Papa Jamie Spears, white trash, tank top and all, here to save the day. I know whats best for you and I'll get you back to where you deserve to be and you will secretly hate me and go through the motions even though you aren't really ready for your comeback and look slightly dead inside in every video and interview but know that you have no choice but to continue cause you've got bills to pay and we will get through this together...pinky promise

but here goes...



I, The Gay, have recently contemplated getting a Twitter. As a matter of fact about a month ago I got a Twitter, then quickly deleted it cause it felt so wrong.


THERE! I SAID IT! I'm so sorry. I really hope we can get through this. But hear me out please. I had my reasons! It's so sleek and shiny and new, and we all know I LOVE a good status update (within reason), and even the celebs (Ashton and Demi, Perez, Stephen Colbert, ZAC EFRON omglolroflsohotlovehim!) have a twitter account. I must admit, at first glance its like I'm cheating on my beloved Facebook, but TRUST, it ain't that kind of party. I mean, there IS room for both. Right? But maybe not. Remember when everyone had a Myspace AND Facebook? I guess I'm just afraid of being behind the curve (THATS WHAT SHE SAID!)and furthermore I'm terrified of my beloved Facebook going the way of myspacexangafriendstersocialnetworkinghell.

I guess I don't really need Twitter. Facebook is all the man that I need at the moment. You can't kill me for being a little curious though.

LEAVE BRITNEY SPEARS ALONE! I MEAN IT!

-The Gay

just found out Anderson has a twitter. All bets are off. Dammit.

I always feel like somebody’s watching me…

Are you there Facebook god? It’s me… Blockbuster. I am not going to comment on the new Facebook layout. It’s been done (very well, I might add) by the Blonde… and I think the public outcry speaks for itself. Get over it people… we’re not about to see any FB executives heads impaled on spikes anytime soon. Calm it down. Take a Xanax. Maybe wander over to craigslist and check out some of the “Missed Connections”. Go ahead… I’ll wait.

…

…

…

Welcome back! Did you read the one titled, “Are you Jew”? How funny was THAT one?? I think the best line was, “You make me not want to be gay anymore.” I would say I was making this up… but I’m not that funny! Anydangway… this time away from my beloved livre du visage made me a little antsy, so I dove right into my favorite hobby (besides making up back-stories for the crazy people who smell like soup and mutter to themselves while standing too close to me waiting in line at Duane Reade)… Facebook Stalking! It’s a topic near and/or dear to many of our hearts. Don’t be ashamed. That what FB is all about! It’s a way to see what people are doing… who they are doing… possibly even why or where they are doing. It enables you to keep in touch with your current friends, reconnect with old friends, or (my personal favorite) check up on people you used to hate who have now gotten fat (aka pregnant). There are several levels of stalking. You could just casually scan… you could actively seek… or you can frantically search like an Asian woman looking for a seat on the subway. Remember that guy or girl you wanted to go to the High School Junior Formal with, but they refused to go with you and then ridiculed you behind your back for two weeks? Yeah… they’re STILL the Assistant Manager of the DQ on State Street! Still!! Who’s laughing now, you soft-serve skank?? Phew… Xanax kicking in…

FB stalking is a right and a privilege. Whether you glide over people’s pages like that freaking feather from Forrest Gump, or you pore over them like Kevin Spacey’s character from Seven… you should take pride in your stalking. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go chuckle gleefully at a few people’s unfortunate dietary habits and/or gland disorders. That, and watch Howard the Duck. Love that flick!

Peace and Carrots,
~Blockbuster

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one

I love it when Facebook changes their layout once every two years and everybody flips their shit. Website formats change all the time, people. I know it’s difficult to navigate something new at first but I have every confidence that you are an intelligent person and you’ll figure it out.

Everyone is gonna whine around about how much the new Facebook sucks. Doubtless there will be hundreds of people who will create groups and Facebook petitions to “Change Facebook back” or “I hate the new Facebook” or “1,000,000 people to boycott the ‘new’ Facebook” – and I will not join them. I didn’t last time and I won’t do it now. And I absolutely WILL NOT boycott Facebook…that would be like cutting off a limb. SO. BACK. UP. OFF. ME.

Things change...it's called life. Also known as progress, advancement, MAKING SHIT BETTER. Why don't you just calm down Grandpa, take your blood pressure medication and stop reminiscing about how when you were a kid you had to walk 15 miles to get to school. In the snow. Barefoot. Uphill both ways. With your 13 year-old kid sister strapped to your back. You know what? In two weeks you’re gonna forget that Facebook ever changed and you’re gonna move on with your life. Until the next time they change it, of course.

And what really gets me is BITCH, THEY WARNED YOU! You get a little notice at the top of your newsfeed that says:

Hey idiots. We’re changing some stuff soon. So check it out here (and when it’s blue and underlined…that means you should click it because it is a link) beforehand so you don’t have any excuse to bitch later.

Well, I may be paraphrasing slightly. But you get the point. And seriously, why don’t you get riled up about something that ACTUALLY MATTERS? Like ending world hunger or offing Frank Caliendo. (Seriously, does anyone want to do that for me? I hate him. He is not funny, he’s just fat and that doesn’t always equal funny. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE IMPERSONATING, JACKASS? ALL YOU DO IS PUT ON A DIFFERENT WIG. YOU’RE TERRIBLE. WHO DECIDED IT WAS OK TO GIVE YOU YOUR OWN SHOW? AND FOR THAT MATTER, WHO WATCHES YOUR AWFUL EXCUSE FOR COMEDY?!) Sorry…don’t get me started on Frank.

I know that coming from someone who helped start a blog about what not to do on Facebook, it sounds horribly ironic to ask you not to get upset about something happening on Facebook. SHUT UP, I DO WHAT I WANT. If you truthfully think that we take ourselves THAT seriously – maybe you should just go away now before I add you to my hit list.

But seriously, don’t have a cow man. Yes. I just referenced Bart Simpson. WHAT.

I got your crazy,

The Blonde

P.S. Two entries in a row, how special do you feel?

You + Me = Us

Wow guys. I’m sorry I’ve been so neglectful lately. But you know what, I’m here now. So never fear – let’s chat about relationship drama on FB, shall we?

First off, let me just say – I love me some juicy gossip. Love it. Secondly, I REALLY love any juicy relationship gossip that makes me feel better about my own sham of a romantic life. However, all that being said…whenever I see some tragic relationship stories plastered all over the internets…I cringe a little for the parties involved.

…

And then I hastily click my way through the sordid details like there is no tomorrow.

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. YOU KNOW YOU DO THE SAME DAMN THING.

Let’s think of it this way…I want to like Jennifer Aniston – I really do. I want to hate Angelina Jolie, NO ONE likes a homewrecker. But Jen totally seems like she would be THAT GIRL on Facebook. Doesn’t she? I mean, isn’t it time to LET IT GO girlfriend? Yeah, we know, that bitch with the United Colors of Benetton of a family stole your hot hot husband and sort of has a better career than you and everyone seems to love her and think she is the second coming of Jesus and they conveniently forget about that time when she kissed her brother ON THE MOUTH and wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck. (I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ANGELINA; I STILL THINK YOU’RE PROBABLY SECRETLY BATSHIT CRAZY IN PRIVATE.) But every time I see a magazine cover with her picture and things like, “Why Jen just can’t move on”, “Jen admits, ‘I pathetically drunk dial Brad every Saturday ’”, “Jen and Angie: Catfight to the death” - I want to call her up and have a heart to heart.

The things she does just scream, LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME SOMEONE FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND NOT HER AND HER PERFECT LIFE I’M PRETTY TOO! Like that naked cover she did for GQ – hot right? Yeah, I hope I look half as good as her at that age…but a little desperate too, don’t you think? Sure, I’d be sad if a husband as hot as Brad Pitt left me. But you know what Jennifer? At least you get to say you had sex with Brad Pitt on a regular basis for a few years. Not many people get that opportunity – so chin up girl. And your dating history since then hasn’t been too shabby…I mean John Mayer seems a little douchey but he does writes pretty songs. And Vince Vaughn would probably be a terrible boyfriend but at least he’s hilarious.

I guess my point is friends, when I see that you’ve changed your relationship status from “Single” to “In a Relationship” and vice versa 17 times in one day…my heart bleeds a little for you. Because inevitably, Facebook stalkers are gonna see that shit and ask way too many prying, personal questions. Or they’re gonna spread it like the herpes through a Frat house. I mean, think about it. Do you really feel comfortable admitting to those 400+ people who you don’t really know all that well that your love life is a shitty bitty mess?

I’m torn. On one hand, you feed my need for gossip. And on the other it’s the very definition of an overshare. So what to do? God, Facebook ethics is HARD.

If you’re gonna put it out there that you’re “In a Relationship” with someone, you better be damn sure it’s gonna last for a while. Or at the very least it better be going somewhere other than you sitting in a bar with your BFFs crying into your appletini in two weeks. Cause if THAT’S in your near future, don’t even bother with the status change unless you’re prepared to deal with not only the emotional onslaught of having to see happy couples skipping down the street holding hands , but with people who you barely know commenting on your status with, “OMG what happened?!” or “Oh, girl. Let’s get an appletini and cry about our boy drama.”

NO. NO. NO. NO! Having to change that relationship status box to “Single” totally sucks. I feel you on that one. It’s a total slap in the face that you have to stop being so delusional in thinking that you and Prince Charming are ever going to work out. But, ladies and gents…it’s time to get a grip. YOU NEED TO SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH YOUR BREAKUP IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME.

DON’T PUT YOUR PITY PARTY ON FACEBOOK.

You and Jennifer Aniston have a lot more in common than you think. You’ve both got a lot going for you if you would JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE.


I don’t even like appletinis,

The Blonde

Informer, you no say daddy me snow me Ill go blame, a licky boom boom down.

So Loyal DPTonF reader. I'm sure you are all wondering where we've been recently and whats up with the lack of updates. We've been REALLY busy. With everything thats going on in the world there hasn't been enough time to spread our good word. I mean where do I begin? Between reading all the coverage I can on the Chris Brown Smackdown on dead inside eyes Rihanna (Seriously you are BACK with him after he "allegdly" smacked your head against a window, and more importantly threw your cell phone out a window?!!!?), RuPaul's Drag Race (Ongina was robbed!), Americas Next Top Model (Goddess of Fierce? Really Tyra?), waiting on Kelly Clarkson's new album to come out next week (How much do you love My Life Would Suck Without You?), and watching I'm on a boat (Marry me Andy Samberg) and Kittens Inspired by Kittens (I'm her mother! NO SHE'S NOT!) on repeat on YouTube, there's been a lot going on.

Frankly, I haven't been too inclined to log on facebook as of late, for fear of seeing this


or this








I had a bad feeling when I saw the first one, hence the post below. I thought that my dislike of this would spread to the masses and it would end, but no. I really can't take it anymore! Every time I see a new one I am filled with a rage that can't be matched and no other man would understand...unless you're Chris Brown...(too soon? I can't stop. sorry) Anyway, isn't one enough? And someone please enlighten me, whats the point? Tag friends in labels that they are already aware of then watch it spread like Rihanna's "alleged" herpes (too soon again? I promise that was the last joke).

And lets not forget the comments, you know what I'm talking about. One person comments "OMG I can't believe you tagged me as the slutty one with no future!" another comments "ROFLOMGLOLHAGSCATSASSFARTS! I TOTALLY thought I would have been tagged as the deadbeat with no semblance of a future! But I guess I'll take stupid whore who will never be truly happy!"

What I guess I'm trying to say is, COME ON PEOPLE. We can do better. Give me a good public facebook breakup (more on that from The Blonde soon), some slutty pictures, hell, I'll even take the 25 things back, but ENOUGH of this cartoon picture madness. Its totally ruining my buzz.

I guess that's all for this nonsensical, far too pop culture filled, rant.

I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.




Don't fuck it up.

-The Gay

with karate I'll kick your ass.

No.



-The Gay

I'm a..... slaaaaave 4U

This is a touch overdo, but I feel we must address the recent, temporary legal SNAFU from the Facebook company. They claimed taking ownership of all of your internet "property" once you delete your profile. Yeah, it sounds like a huge personal invasion, and it's not right, HOWEVER, loyal followers, let's not forget that once you put something on the internet, it doesn't go away. Ask the dirty politicians and the dirtier college girls hugging toilets and stealing boyfriends. Don't vocalize hateful and/or violent views on current politicians (big brother is watching), and upload wisely. I personally have a vision of a giant-mega-main-frame-server-terminal humming at the core of the earth, storing away all of the information floating around in cyberspace. I find the concept of the internet almost as baffling as the human brain, wondering where all of the bits and bytes float off to. But you better recognize the fact that even if you think your information is private, all it takes is a right click and a save, or a copy hyperlink to start spreadin the news.

Interestingly enough, Facebook doesn't intend on letting you and your information go that easily.

Check this out: http://www.stevenmansour.com/writings/2007/jul/23/2342/2504_steps_to_closing_your_facebook_account

Apparently it takes a lot more than a click and a confirmation click to free yourself from the warm, fuzzy clutches of our favorite networking site. Truth is, think of how intertwined we all our in our beloved cyberspace. Photos were posted in 2004, people were tagged, comments were left, and you got an email notification for each of these activities. In fact, you could go back and make a comment or tag Santa in the background and those people you haven't talked to in 5 years will all get an email notification of your actions, and suddenly we're back to where we started.

I guarantee that if I look back to my incarnation in the facebook world, I probably have posted some silly, questionable items. But we live and learn, and I think the best thing to live by is don't put anything you wouldn't want your momma seeing on facebook, because chances are your momma IS on facebook. Geez, Mom, get a life.

Untagging and not bragging-

The Jew

I like the way you work it (no diggity) I got to bag it up

Gifts on facebook, absolutely not! Bitch I want a real gift. Get outta here with your thumbnail image of flowers I much prefer the real ones delivered to me while at work with a shiny new vase along with chocolates that last a whole week and oh yeah they’re tangible. I don’t know what’s worse receiving a gift on facebook or the fact that someone actually spent real money on buying a gift on facebook. Don’t think I won’t be cold enough to step right over your good deed and thoughtfulness and immediately publicly shame you for spending money on a damn half inch square jpeg. Oh did I say spend money cuz that’s not accurate, I mean to say “gift credits”...yeah, lets talk about that shall we? That just makes it even more gay (no offense to the gay or others by inappropriate usage of the derogatory term; I wasn’t referring to sexual orientation). Now that I’ve avoided the silliest possible lawsuit ever or the most redundant accusation of being taboo lets get back on track. Originally the majority of the gifts were free – which by the way is the only exception to giving a gift: when they’re free! Now: every holiday or made up holiday (::cough cough Valentine’s Day::), or just Tuesday they have a limited number of one or two ..okay three at most, but that’s it of the lamest, tackiest gift for you to give to another special friend in the world of cyber space. You know what I’m talking about the rainbow colored balloon with the shape of a butterfly centered on it, the backside of a troll (yeah a troll. Ps why were these funny odd looking figurines ever popular items in American culture?? That and beanie babies, boy am I glad we’re past that phase, whew!). My point is rarely are these gifts actually cute or funny and besides those few that cost you nothing but the sad, sad time you waste perusing and purchasing from the facebook gift shop (ha I just found out that’s the actual official name) the rest cost money. Old school they would just list $1, $2, $3; not anymore now it’s 100 or 300 gift credits. Just be upfront with me facebook – don’t play like its not real money. Then you have the options of sending it public, private or anonymous. Really anonymous – you’re gonna take that small (not forward) step into admitting your admiration for me by sending me a gift on facebook and not own up to who you are? Grow a pair and ask me out or start slow, say hello and if things work out, who knows maybe I’ll accept a real troll doll with multi colored hair (ERR wrong I’ll never accept that, who do you think you’re dealin’ with?)

Then there’s the Christmas tree - every year, never fails the Christmas tree application starts and then you can basically sign yourself up for the holiday hell of consistent and needless notifications and emails about notifications notifying you: so and so sent you a gift under your Christmas tree: unwrap now, save for later, send one back??? Or kill yourself for ever signing up for that POS app or better yet all the douche-mountains that sent you the damn Christmas gift. It’s no better when you don’t have the app either, then you just have to repeatedly see on the news feed or taking up ¾ of a friend’s profile “Billie jean has 7 unwrapped gifts under his Christmas tree”. We here at Pangea put our own Christmas tree up around Christmas, a real one and I’ll go one more- we give each other real gifts too (they go under the tree, the real tree). Facebook is fun and it gives ya some laughs and you can stay in touch with people but it’s not a substitute for living. I don’t need it to take over my holiday traditions, I have a real life for that and I only hope all of you do too.

I’ve received eight gifts and sent two in my history as a facebook user and I don’t begrudge any of them – they were all free and sensible as well I would accept more if done in the same fashion. But I had to write this blog to, well publicly shame any of you that constantly buy gifts on facebook – don’t do it. It’s not _______ (fill in the blank) CUTE, it’s not cute. This is also partially a comment to facebook: don’t put that on facebook, facebook.

Peace out home skillet
~ The Slut

Mama said knock you out

You guys, I have to call someone out. Not by name of course, not our style here at DPTonF. But something very troubling was brought to my attention recently and I feel so strongly about it – it must be discussed. For most rational, functional human beings, I venture to guess that the following statements will be unnecessary. But for those out there who LIVE for Facebook attention…this one’s for you.

NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU:

a) Take a picture of yourself on the toilet, visibly and actively using the facilities
b) Post that picture on Facebook
c) Tag yourself in said picture
d) Post and tag yourself in multiple, similar photos of the aforementioned activity

Sure, sometimes our friends catch us at inopportune moments with our pants around our ankles (literally) and it’s all LOLZ and ROFL. Go ahead, giggle about it with your besties (ugh, I just used that word in a sentence) – absolutely no harm in that. But please tell me why…WHY…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY WOULD YOU POST THAT?! AND TAG YOURSELF IN IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE?!

The only, ONLY, time this is acceptable and/or hilarious is if your photo meets the following requirements:

1. From the position of the photographer, it is not entirely apparent whether you really are dropping the kids off at the pool or not
2. You are wearing a football helmet
3. You are wearing a t-shirt that says “Kiss me, I’m shitfaced”

THAT IS THE ONE AND ONLY EXCEPTION – AND IT HAS BEEN DONE, OK?

No one wants to be casually scrolling through your recent photo album and find your personal version of “2 girls 1 cup”. And if they ARE hoping to find pictures of this nature, I sincerely doubt that Facebook is the place that person should be. In fact, I’ll call To Catch a Predator myself…although I guess that show doesn’t really apply to situations like this… REGARDLESS. It is gross and inappropriate.

A few years ago Jenny McCarthy did a Candie’s shoe ad where she was sitting on a toilet with her panties down. And guess what? No one thought that was cute either. Except maybe the shoe company…but no one really wears Candie’s anymore, do they? Hmm…hint hint. And now Ms. McCarthy is happily pseudo-married to Jim Carrey and raises money and awareness for autism. So, there is hope for you yet Patty Potty Pictures.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go delete those pictures I posted to document my eating disorder progress.

Toodles,

The Blonde

Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way to Block Buster!

Lackluster Apps... Blockbuster Musings.

Greetings my Cherubs & Seraphs. Submitted for the approval of the Pangaea Society, I call this full-of-angst fable, Facebook Apps. References to redundant 90's SNICK sitcom "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?" aside... Icome to you today to discuss a matter that is much more relevant and pertinent (and many other synonyms like those) to our FB lives: Crappy Applications(Crapplications, as I have just decided to call them). Many of you don't know me very well (unless you're one of my FB stalkers... in which case you know me VERY well), but I don't approve Crapps. I just don't. In fact, I block every single one. Every. Single. One. It's not because I don't heart your face. Iheart most of your faces. I just really find it obscenely taxing to give a soaring-monkey's-butt "Which Saved By The Bell Character I'd be most likely to have gone to the Imaginary Bayside Sock Hop With" or "Which Character From Classic American Literature Would Be Most Likely To Be My BFFL" or "Which Member of The Breakfast Club Would Be Most Likely To Give Me Reach Around While Snorting Cocaine Off My Ass In The Dirty Bathroom Stall Of The 7-11 Right Off I-90 In Exchange For $20 And A 40 Of Colt45".

First of all... who cares? Second of all... who is writing these things?? Need I remind you people, there isn't a room full of Behavioral Psycho analysts dedicated to dissecting the human psyche and contemplating the perfect multiple choice questions to determine the various results. No. These are written by bored (and/or drunk people) who want their legacy to be written in Size 12 Times New Roman Font on the Book of Faces. How are these results determined?? I would LOVE to see the equation for determining the number of possible answers versus the possible outcomes. Tell you what Rain Man... maybe you should just quit it with the Crapps. You don't have A Beautiful Mind, Russell Crowe...you're just Schizo. Go down to the library, eat your damn tuna sandwich and wait for Jennifer Connelly to realize that you're talking to thin air! In the meantime, stop writing these Crapps. I know you won't... but I'll just keep blocking them so that they never darken my Profile again. Because let's face(book) it... it's a slippery slope we are on. Too much crap is what made the already-inferior MySpace sink even lower into the proverbial quagmire of redundant websites.

By the way... the answer to the latter question I put up there is Andrew Clark. That’s right, Emilio Estevez’s character. After High School, he and Ally Sheedy’s character split up just before he went off to college on a wrestling scholarship. Being newly single and kind of a hothead, he got WAY into steroids and lost his scholarship. His father couldn’t accept that from his son and disowned him. From there… you can see how it escalated. By the way,I just made all that up… but I STILL didn’t make it into a Crapp. And the reason? Because I heart your faces.

Goodnight Moon. It’s been stellar.
~Blockbuster (Man-Whore of the Slut)

Aicha in my life

Updating your status is a necessary facebook action, it’s true. A gateway into originality – letting us in on what you’re up to. It’s not however when you post song lyrics in your status, ugh! Shame, shame on those of you who consistently update your status with song lyrics. Really, really? You have nothing better going on in your life and need to broadcast the lyrics to either the current top charts pop/rap/hiphop/country (really country?) song that rocks your world for the moment. I know we belong together now, Kelly sings it – I don’t need to read it in your status. Chances are the song that your posting lyrics to is probs overplayed anyhow and if it’s not, your dumb ass is about to wear it out for the rest of us.

Some of you hit those really low points and you just can’t take it anymore and you have to post those oozing with depression, wanna slit my wrists (vertical is the best way by the by – don’t half ass it with those horizontal amateur cuts) lyrics that expose all of us to the hopeless world you’re begging not to live in and honestly it’s bringin’ me down. You’re killing the mood yo; I’m gonna need you to take it up a notch maybe post “you are my sunshine, you make me happy” even if you really mean the complete opposite. If you’re not willing to avoid your true feelings then just keep them out of your status. TMI people. Everybody hurts and everybody cries, thank you REM and random person on facebook who updated their status. It’s too much melodrama to subject your fellow facebook peers to. The book of faces is a happy outlet for all of us who work for a living, who take a quick peek in the middle of a shift/day job to get their facebook fix. You’re wasting my precious, less than minimum wage hard earning minutes to read the fourth post you’ve had in two days all with different song lyrics exuding a range of emotions spanning from Britney’s Hit me baby one more time, touching on JRB’s I’m still hurting and clocking out with REO Speedwagon’s I can’t fight this feeling anymore. Your feeding into the impulse of posting mundane, outdated or depressing lyrics are taking up more than the desired amount of space on my newsfeed.

You know what else, some of you post the wrong lyrics. Do your research folks. You have internet; hit up letssingit.com or one of the other 50,000 sites that will give you the correct lyrics. Now everybody, I mean EVERYBODY (insert throat clearing noise) knows the lyrics to Old Dirty Bastard – don’t be the fool caught posting the wrong lyrics to Baby I got your money. It’s bad enough you’ve probably been singing the wrong lyrics. I really have to sress here that the focus to this DPTonF blog isn’t posting song lyrics in your facebook status – it’s okay once or twice; every now and again. However some poor unfortunate souls (wait a second when did I become Ursula in Little Mermaid – damn it I’ve gotta stop watching and listening to Disney movies -I’m in my mid twenties) right, some poor unfortunate souls are posting song lyrics in their status ALL the time. Guess what: It’s not cute.

Don’t do it.

~loving you always, the Slut

I'm tired of rumors starting. I'm sick of being followed.

Remember when you were 13 and everyone had just started getting their own personal email addresses? You know, stickygummyworms@hotmail.com or coolguymotocross@yahoo.com. Remember how awesome you thought you were when you could email your friends as much bullshit as you wanted, whenever you wanted? Remember when people would pass on those chain mail emails, like “send this on to 6000 people in the next 4 seconds or you’ll be unlucky in love forever!” type of stuff? Or stupid surveys with questions like “What color are your underwear?”, “Do you have a crush on someone?”, “Are you a totally boring asshat who has nothing better to do but fill out this narcissistic crap?” Oh my God, that was annoying.

Apparently I missed the memo that this has become cool again. Only now, everyone is doing it on Facebook. Now there are notes from people, with most of whom I use the term “friends” quite loosely, popping up on my homepage with titles like “42,394 Random Bullshit Questions” or “Name Game” or “Memories, all alone in the moonlight”. You want to play a name game? I could think of a quite a few for you but they’d all be some variation of the word ASS. So never mind.

Listen Suzy Survey, I’m sure you’re really witty and fun and fascinating and have some really great stories about silly things you’ve done in your past. Like when you got drunk at noon on a Sunday and then fell down the stairs at Toys R Us and sprained your ankle (which DEFINITELY did not happen to me). Maybe one day we’ll get to know one another well enough that we can share these awesome stories and giggle about how hilarious and irreverent we are while braiding each other’s hair and watching Lifetime movies. But until that time comes…please stop.

Yes, yes, I know it’s your Facebook page and you’ll cry if you want to, but I’m just not that into you. (P.S. Does anyone else think the emphasis should be on the “that”? Also, DO NOT mention that movie to The Gay…YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.) Please find another outlet for your need to talk about yourself…like friends. Or lacking that...a dog maybe?

Granted, the “25 things” survey that spreading all over Facebook like herpes right now is not AS bad as some of the others. Relatively speaking. At least that one allows the writer to CHOOSE 25 things that they would like to share with everyone, so if you have an overshare about how you got diarrhea at a Barnes & Noble once – that’s on you. But the others, the word or name associations, the random assortment of questions that are pretty much uninteresting and mundane – save both you and me some time and JUST SAY NO. Navigate away from that note you’re writing and go stalk an ex-boyfriend or something. WHERE ARE YOUR FACEBOOK PRIORITIES?

I don’t want to know what color your underwear are, I don’t want to know what your porn star name is and I certainly don’t need the thought that because I didn’t pass on a chain letter I’m going to die alone. I think that often enough on my own, thanks.

Is it possible we could invent some sort of over the counter medication that would help people fight the urge to fill out every stupid personal questionnaire that comes their way? Or maybe get a support group together? It would be called “People Who Can’t Say No to Sharing Pointless Information to Large Groups of Relative Strangers”. Or PWCSNSPILGRS for short.

See You Next Tuesday,

The Blonde

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that

*I'd like to add a disclaimer to this blog. It may lack some of the normal funny and cleverness a typical DPTonF blog entry may have. "I Love Money 2" is on. I was REALLY busy.


So, loyal DPTonF reader. I have a confession to make. All those times you tried to message me on facebook chat and I didn't answer because I was "Away"...I wasn't. I was actually right there waiting for a moment where I could log off facebook so I didn't have to talk to you. I know I totally deserve an Etta James style ass whipping for that and I'm really, really sorry. But, in my defense I was not without reason for ignoring you. You and I both know I've stalked you obsessively and I know everything that's going on in your life, or if we are actual friends (i.e. I speak to you outside the realm we call the Internet) we don't need to catch up. Frankly, it just makes this already awkward non relationship we have a little more awkward, and we ALL know I don't need anymore awkward relationships in my life.

Lets play our favorite game Hypothetical Conversation we started a few blog entries back. I will once again play all knowing gay with the winning personality, great smile, who somehow can't seem to get a date even though everyone tells him how wonderful he is. And you will once again play unsuspecting victim this blog was created to save. Our setting is a typical day at your computer screen. You, unsuspecting victim, see me, all knowing gay, online and want to talk!

Unsuspecting: Hey! What's up!

All knowing gay: Hey. How are you?!?

Unsuspecting: Good. You?

All knowing gay: Good.

(Twenty minutes passes by and by this point I've stalked every ex boyfriend I've ever had and really need to navigate to a new website)

All Knowing gay: So...

Unsuspecting: ????

Do you see how this might be a bit annoying to me? Do you see how this may make me want to banish you off my friends list never to be heard of again? Good.

My time is precious like a Zac Efron poster. Don't waste it.

Smooches,

The Gay

We'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American way.

Listen, Toby Keith Facebook user…I get it. You’re patriotic. You love this great nation almost as much as you love George W. 24/7 9/11, “these colors don’t run” and all that…I get it.

Hey, no problem. I don’t agree but that’s the brilliance of the good ol’ USA right? It’s perfectly acceptable to have differing opinions and subsequently express said opinions. And why not proudly proclaim your political standpoint on Facebook? Especially around election time last year, things got a little crazy and I admit I got caught up in the Obama fever. I was one of the 4,384,093,937 people to dedicate my status to Obams. And maybe you dedicated yours to Senator McCain and the greatest-insult-ever-made-to-women-because-she-was-supposed-to-represent-us Sarah Palin. Why yes, it’s true, all women ARE shallow morons who can barely put together a coherent thought or sentence let alone keep an eye on our promiscuous sixteen year old daughters. And we cry “sexism” to anyone who will listen every time someone even hints at the fact that we are getting sympathy votes simply because of our gender. But I digress…

Go ahead; say things like “McCain was robbed! I hope Obama can live up to the expectations..sigh…” or “McCain had my vote but witnessing this historical day certainly was amazing” or “My president is black and so are the next four years”.

WAIT.

WHAT?!

Unfortunately, that last statement was an actual Facebook status someone I know chose to share with us on Inauguration Day. Now let me just say, being offensive can sometimes be funny. In fact, I have it listed on my profile as one of my interests so I can certainly take an off-color joke. I’d tell you a couple of my favorites but I’ll wait until we know each other a little better.

However, the person in question did not mean this ironically or in any sort of humorous way. I base that on the fact that previous stati of theirs have been staunchly conservative and/or not funny in the slightest. Yeah, maybe I’m being a little judgmental. GET OVER IT. This person literally chose to broadcast their racist, bigoted, ignorant statement to the masses. HOW VERY TOLERANT.

And listen, just because you’re conservative certainly doesn’t mean I think you are a money-grubbing, whiskey-swilling jackass who spends their weekends going to KKK rallies and burning books. But maybe you are and maybe you do…BITCH, I DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE. On the flip-side, I consider myself a liberal and even though my parents were long-haired hippies who spent their honeymoon driving across country in their VW mini-bus with their two dogs (all true), I prefer a hot shower, shaving my armpits and I hate the smell of patchouli.

I’m by no means saying you have to agree with Obama or even support him…but who could resist that smile and those abs?! OMG LOLZ ROFLMAO. But if you’re going to openly oppose him as our president why don’t you go ahead and come up with something intelligent to say? Or if that’s too difficult, here’s a novel idea – DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. And if in actual fact, it turns out you ARE an intolerant bigot (in which case, thanks for reminding me of why I left Ohio) save that shit for your weekly Racists Anonymous meeting. Or there’s about to be a reverse hate crime. Or is it still a hate crime even if the victim is a racist? Whatever.

The point is I HATE YOU FOR SAYING THAT. The fact that you smugly declare your ignorance all over a social networking site is a prime example of things that are wrong with this country and things that President Obams represents changing. What’s next? Are you going to tell me that we should reinstitute slavery? That Jews should be rounded up and put in camps?

Hey, Hitler called and he wants his Mein Kampf back.

Jesus Christ people, can’t we all just get along?


I just hate you and I hate your assface,
The Blonde

P.S. I unfriended you.

How many times they take your picture Patty??

So today is February 2, 2009 and if you don’t have a facebook, we need to have an intervention. Especially if you’re still workin’ off old school myspace and say goodbye to our friendship if your ass is on friendster! Facebook is so fetch (“stop trying to make fetch happen”) no but it’s the cream of the crop when we’re talking about ..social networks and not bad metaphors referencing crops. Seriously join the book of faces and watch your life be ten times better.

Setting up the account is oober easy: now we’ve discussed the simplicity of the name portion of the set up. You enter your name and your name only – again, shouldn’t be too hard. Ya know what else isn’t too hard: the picture portion. Now let me make it clear in case you’re one of those people. The picture is supposed to be of you. I’m sure you have several, choose any one. (keep in mind when choosing one should adhere to a previous entry where the gay outlines the rubric for appropriate photos) other than that it could be the one of you dressed as a puple plush unicorn or your headshot – outdated as it may be, maybe just a candid photo someone took of you at a party. But tell me why? Why would you choose a picture that’s
1.) not only not of you but
2.) isn’t even a person.
The beach is pretty, I’ve seen it. That really special tree in central park: also lovely – keep ‘em on facebook – put them in an album but why choose it as the photo that’s supposed to represent you? People trying to find you that come up with several “Margo Jane Hanssenn” profiles will not know who you are if they’re looking at a photo of a caterpillar in metamorphosis. We wanna see that freckled, four eyed, spiral curled red head we knew in high school (or what you’ve turned into over the years) not a mid morph butterfly. It’s just helpful as we’re on here to meet and keep in touch with people.

And for those of you opting against the profile picture and have that sky blue/murky gray silhouette of a person (or those of you who remember the old days: that question mark), to those people I say why are you on facebook??? How hard is it, seriously? If you don’t have a photo up then we can’t properly stalk you and if not on facebook for stalking, what are you here for? What’s the point? If you can’t be bothered to put a picture up, you’re damn sure not bothered to fill out the rest of the profile or even get on from time to time and do anything. (And people sub story here: fill out the whole profile: none of this join facebook and every category is blank, you have less than 5 friends and no witty repartee – again how are we supposed to stalk you.)

Ps. Don’t pull that “I don’t have a photo” cuz ya do and if you don’t I’m sure someone else on facebook does – use that one. Be resourceful, not lazy. If you truly don’t have a pic to use - then I say go ahead and upload that thumbnail image of the rustling leaves where no human is present. This is for a temporary time though. There’s a leeway that I’ll get into later but this above portion was more so for you people that start a profile with that particular photo that you happened to have at the moment and then you never get around to changing it.

The profile picture is of significant importance people, it says a lot about you and gives a sneak peak of your personality. So though you were also advised against the nudey pics in a previous blog I’d like to piggy back that and say when you have one of those ill advised, photos of your nearly nude gumby resembling body wearing a top hat showing off your rib bones or that artistic angle of you in the shower as your profile pic we think that means you’re an attention whore or whore in general. I kid, I kid – no need to throw around harsh words. It’s just it’s not the best choice for a profile picture. Nor is the famous photo of Marilyn with the flowy dress over the sidewalk grate – we know you’re not that celebrity, don’t play.

I will give you leeway on the profile photo. I don’t have a problem (not that I’m the maker of all rules sanctioning facebook profile photos…but I mean this blog was created b/c we do have a keen eye and sharp judgement for these things) right, right back to what I was saying: I don’t have a problem with occasionally for a short period of time having a photo up of something/someone other than you. For instance when you’re supporting someone

ie. 2009 presidential election I’m all about you sporting your Kodak moments of Obams. When WallE came out, it was brilliant – no shame in puttin’ the cute li’l guy as your profile picture. However it’s a momentary thing folks. Move on and repost that good ‘ole fashioned photo of your bright, beautiful face.

~le slut

No my name ain't baby, it's Janet. Ms. Jackson if you're nasty

This entry is dedicated to our good friend Pee-pants.

When you register for a facebook account, one of the first inquiries faced is "full name". If you are even marginally mentally sound, this part is not hard. Actually, I know for a fact that you are unable to register for a facebook with a ridiculous name. I've tried. It was a job assignment, don't ask.

So, when asked the question "full name", what is your typical answer? When filling out a job application, do you insert a clever nickname amongst the title your momma gave you? I feel that the beloved creators of facebook intended for their site to be for networking, yet there are several individuals who actually use it as a receptacle for their stupid expressive garbage made of cute quotes and wingdings.

We here at DPTonF used to cherish the purity of facebook compared to other less easy to navigate and less easy to stalk on social networking sites. Unfortunately, with the development of applications and "boxes", we've lost some of that clean, sleek look we love. At least all of this clutter is hidden on other tabs and not forced down our throats, because no, I don't want to see the precious cartoon penguin you adopted and named Cooter.

I digress. Facebook wants you to use your real name. Otherwise they would let you insert any old word or emoticon into your name field. We all know your middle name is not Sagittarius, Hottie, or "<3 ;)". And if it is, send your mom to us. We need to have a talk.

Kisses and skip-its,

The Jew