Are you there Facebook god? It’s me… Blockbuster. I am not going to comment on the new Facebook layout. It’s been done (very well, I might add) by the Blonde… and I think the public outcry speaks for itself. Get over it people… we’re not about to see any FB executives heads impaled on spikes anytime soon. Calm it down. Take a Xanax. Maybe wander over to craigslist and check out some of the “Missed Connections”. Go ahead… I’ll wait.
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Welcome back! Did you read the one titled, “Are you Jew”? How funny was THAT one?? I think the best line was, “You make me not want to be gay anymore.” I would say I was making this up… but I’m not that funny! Anydangway… this time away from my beloved livre du visage made me a little antsy, so I dove right into my favorite hobby (besides making up back-stories for the crazy people who smell like soup and mutter to themselves while standing too close to me waiting in line at Duane Reade)… Facebook Stalking! It’s a topic near and/or dear to many of our hearts. Don’t be ashamed. That what FB is all about! It’s a way to see what people are doing… who they are doing… possibly even why or where they are doing. It enables you to keep in touch with your current friends, reconnect with old friends, or (my personal favorite) check up on people you used to hate who have now gotten fat (aka pregnant). There are several levels of stalking. You could just casually scan… you could actively seek… or you can frantically search like an Asian woman looking for a seat on the subway. Remember that guy or girl you wanted to go to the High School Junior Formal with, but they refused to go with you and then ridiculed you behind your back for two weeks? Yeah… they’re STILL the Assistant Manager of the DQ on State Street! Still!! Who’s laughing now, you soft-serve skank?? Phew… Xanax kicking in…
FB stalking is a right and a privilege. Whether you glide over people’s pages like that freaking feather from Forrest Gump, or you pore over them like Kevin Spacey’s character from Seven… you should take pride in your stalking. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go chuckle gleefully at a few people’s unfortunate dietary habits and/or gland disorders. That, and watch Howard the Duck. Love that flick!
Peace and Carrots,
~Blockbuster
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