If you's a fat one, put your clothes back on. Before you start putting pot holes in my lawn

So being the only member of Pangea without a job I decided to burn the midnight oil and get the ball rolling. I should be sleeping and planning how I'm going to support myself, but this is an URGENT don't put that on facebook message. I preface this statement by saying that I love a good status update, I live for them, I spend my day touching my boyfriend (also known as my beloved I-phone) waiting for them. Yeah I call my I-phone my boyfriend. I don't think its sad in the slightest. Seriously I REALLLLLY enjoy being single. Seriously, I do. I have NEVER spent the night alone crying into my pillow about how lonely I am. But I digress. I'm happy...I promise. Seriously stop looking at me like that. Where were we?...oh yeah. There is a limit. There has to be. I don't really care about you sitting down to eat dinner or brushing your teeth. Give me the goods. Let me know if you fell down a flight of stairs or had a one night stand with a prominent child stars roommate (Which TOTALLY didn't happen to me). I deem the appropriate amount of status?...stati?...statuses?...whatever, I deem a healthy amount is about three or less a day. NOTHING is more important than three a day unless of course you've had a baby or died, in which case I'd say, "What the hell are you doing on Facebook?", but lets save that for another entry.

Lets play a game called hypothetical conversation. You play "unsuspecting victim this blog was created to save" and I'll play "All knowing gay one, with the great smile and winning personality". A hypothetical conversation between you and I may go something like this:

Unsuspecting victim this blog was created to save: Hey all knowing Gay one? Something REALLY good happen to me today. I want to make it my new status on facebook! I'm afraid I may be breaking a rule by changing my status too much though.

All knowing gay one: Is it THAT good? Do you really want to take up every single person on your friends list's valuable facebook stalking time for that? How many have you posted today?

Unsuspecting: Three, but they were....

All Knowing Gay: Nope. You've reached your limit.

Unsuspecting: But it's fantastic, I saved a bunch of kittens from a house that was on fire. Punched Angelina Jolie in the face. Got preggers AND had the baby in the same day. And got Anderson Cooper's phone number for you.

All Knowing: All right. I'll let you post four today, but don't let it happen again.

So in conclusion, ONLY if your day rivals one where you've conceived and had a full born baby in the same day, saved kittens in a fire, punched Angelina Jolie in the face and gotten Anderson Cooper's phone number for me can you post more than four status?...statuses?...stati? (Dammit!) in one twenty four hour period.

HAGS, KATS, LOL, ROFL, LMAO, Sincerely, and all that other goodness,

The Gay

P.S. Thanks for putting up with all the misspellings, grammatical errors, and any other issues I may have had during this entry. It's my first one. LAY OFF!