It's been a week without me, and she feel weak without me

I know it’s been a long summer and you’ve all been jonesing for some blog brilliance, so never fear! The Blonde is back (although my roots beg to differ) to fully judge folks on FB and fill your sass quota for the week.

Without further ado, let’s jump right in, shall we?

Now, I have a real person job. That’s right, I work in an office with a phone, a computer, a fax machine and letterhead (and sometimes a toddler – listen, that’s beside the point)... I work regular hours and have health insurance. CRAZY RIGHT? I know. I work for an opera company so sometimes I am at the mercy of rather “artistic” personalities. BUT! The other thing that is TOTALLY NUTS is that I have a WORK EMAIL ADDRESS. FOR WORK RELATED THINGS.

So when you, Joe Opera Singer, send me a Facebook message asking about things pertaining to work…I IGNORE YOU. Now, maybe this comes off as cruel or unhelpful of me…but I did try ok? For a while I would respond to FB email as if it were actual email but I eventually discovered that people are a lot more shameless on FB than they would be otherwise. I just want to reiterate that being friends on Facebook is not an accurate indication of our actual level of friendship.

Basically, WE’RE NOT COOL LIKE THAT. I’m sorry you had to find out this way but I think you already knew. It’s not like we hang out or even talk on a regular basis. We are friends on FB because we probably worked together one summer, maybe even had a drink or six together…but that’s pretty much the extent of it. Aside from a status comment here or there or a generic “Happy Birthday!”, I just don’t see us working out. It’s not you…ok, actually, yes it is.

Facebook just isn’t the appropriate venue to ask if there are jobs available, or for my superior’s personal email or information. What did you do in the days before FB, huh? Did you go online and look up a phone number or email address for our office? Yeah, imagine that. Still possible. If you want to send me a message about us hanging out, cool. I might decline – but that is actually a very suitable way to use your FB account.

You’re basically assuming that I have nothing better to do when I’m Facebook than to answer your message about how to get an audition. Listen fool, I’m actually really busy online shopping and organizing my Netflix queue. I need you to step your game up and be a little pro-active ok? Either figure out a more professional, appropriate way of getting in touch with someone or ask a friend. A REAL FRIEND.

Stop crying, it's for your own good. I'm like Dr. Phil up in this bitch.

Let’s hug it out,

The Blonde