Secret Secret, I Got a Secret

An Open Letter to Facebook Friends:

Recently I've been trying to catch myself up on the ever-popular, ever-confusing, ever-addicting TV phenomenon known as LOST. Last time I checked, I left off somewhere in Season 2 and never looked back. Now, with this year marking the sixth and final season I felt like I was so far behind it was just useless to catch up. But then I realized, I AM NOT A QUITTER DAMNIT. I WILL MAKE LOST MY BITCH!

And I am doing just that. In a little under two weeks, I've managed to get through Seasons 1 and 2 and am proud to report that I am 3 episodes in to Season 3 as of last night. It also helps that I have no life...but I'm fine with it. Really. I am. REALLY!

Sidenote: The Gay, who now resides in an official territory of Pangea somewhere in the Chicago suburbs, (Kind of like the Puerto Rico to our U.S.), unbeknownst to me until he put it on FB, he also made the life choice to pop his Lost cherry (I'm really sorry for using that metaphor) and start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

Anyway, I know that Lost has been on TV for six years now...I know that it is one of the shows that totally fucks with you and then leaves a note and never calls you again. But I just can't help myself. I can't stay away. And thanks to my Netflix subscription...I've got all 5 previous season at my disposal and a bottle of wine on my bedside table. DON'T JUDGE.

BUT. Facebook friends, let me just say this. Do NOT ruin a perfectly good catch-up marathon by putting current season spoilers in your status. NOT COOL. I wish I could be as prioritized (is that a word?) as you when it comes to TV schedules, but sometimes DragRace and The Real Housewives and Law and Order AND ice dancing are on at the same time and I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE. And NO, I don't have DVR. Lay off. So, therefore I'm way late on all things Lost.

Just cause you're all on top of your shit does not give you the right to ruin it for everyone else! Some people want to watch and find out for themselves. Shocking, I know. If I see one more person with "OMG, I can't believe so-and-so died at the end of Lost! And then came back from the dead and blew up the island! And then died again! OMG!" as their status, I'm gonna climb through my computer and choke you.

It's like telling someone the big twist of The Sixth Sense before they see the movie. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free or some shit, right? Well, I guess that applies more to slutty girls...but you know what I mean. All I'm saying is, what the hell is the point if I already know what happens? I don't want the Cliff Notes version of the show, ok? It's about the journey, I want to soak up every last second of deserted island madness without you ruining it for me! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to yell at you. Just keep a damn secret for another couple weeks until I'm caught up. Fair is fair, respect equal opportunity TV watching.

If you really need to divulge something, just tell me the entire plotline of Avatar instead and save me $12.50 and movie theater butter damage to my arteries. Deal?

Sincerely Yours,

The Blonde

P.S. Shout outs to all of you Lost watchers you know how to keep your yap shut. I love you. Well, not really, but I like you. But not like you like you. Like, I just like you as a friend. ....I gotta go.